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Public School Intelligentsia was designed by Matty and Natasha, who aren’t experts like a sommelier will tell you that your lamb would taste better with a 1970 Rothschild Cabernet Sauvignon, but experts like that kid who inexplicably puts together an awesome party mix in fifteen minutes from somebody else’s music library.

And there’s other ways to stalk love threaten adore us!

We’re all on tumblr:Matty, Natasha, Sarah

Check out Sarah on WordPress, and Natasha at the Huffington Post and Sascha at 23/6

But whatever you do, make sure you bring your love and your comments over to PublicSchoolIntelligentsia.com.

Ok! So 143! 420 l8ter? Stay sweet!! 9th grade is going to be sooo Crzzyy!!

See you in the car,

Millouse.

ps. seriously: ALF

We are not fans of that Hollywood staple, the talentless blonde starlet who claws her way to the middle using only her gumption, trout lips and enormous rack. You know, the kinds of women who have been littering Annie Leibowitz’s Vanity Fair covers for the past decade.

Especially when they’re as insufferably in love with themselves as Scarlett Johansson, who followed up her album of Tom Waites covers (no, really) by getting banned from the Cannes premiere of Vicky Cristina Barcelona. The official line was that she “wasn’t being a team player”–specifically, that she demanded her own personal cosmetician to the tune of $8,000 a night. And this woman is supposed to give Maxim readers wood? Seriously, how ugly do you have to be to need eight grand a night to be made presentable enough to go see a movie??

Lately ScarJo’s been running around and claiming she has some deep, personal, email correspondence with Barack Obama. Turns out, not so much:

Obama was chatting with the guys on his campaign plane when he referred to his personal assistant, Reggie Love. “She sent one e-mail to Reggie, who forwarded it to me,” Obama said matter-of-factly.

“I write saying, ‘Thank you, Scarlett, for doing what you do.’ And suddenly we have this e-mail relationship.”

Oooh, BURN! (BTW, have we mentioned we <3 Reggie Love? His name is REGGIE LOVE!)

You know, he’s really doing you a favor, ScarJo. You keep flapping those couch cushion lips about Obama, and you’re gonna wind up getting your weave snatched off your head by a pissed-off potential First Lady.

The Freepers just won’t let the Barack Obama birth certificate scandal go. What scandal? Exactly. If you aren’t a tinfoil beanie-wearing mouth-frothing lunatic, you’ve likely never heard of this “scandal”. They’re convinced his birth certificate will reveal that he wasn’t born in the US, or that his mother was a jackal, or something.

I belive the reason [Barack Obama] won’t release [his birth certificate] is because it lists his full name including the firstname of Barry, not Barack, and lists him as caucasian, not african.

He’s worked awfully hard (changing his name to something african sounding and calling himself black, instead of white or mixed) to further his career. He’s not about to have that all blown up by the truth that he’s just as much white as black.

That devious bastard! Why if there’s one thing that’s a sure ticket into the White House, it’s bein’ black and having a furrin-soundin’ name!!

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Self, doesn’t everyone already know that Obama’s mother was white? It’s hardly something he’s tried to keep secret.” Yes, normal people like the average reader of HeyBeUs already knows that. But Freepers, who live in survivalist bunkers subsisting on potted meat and evaporated milk, are insulated from anything that might cause cognitive dissonance, and rely soley on Fox News and the voices inside their heads to give them word of the outside. It’s why they still think Iraq has WMDs. Also why they’re so damn inbred.

Once again, we thank Sadly, No! for wading through the muck of conservative blogs, so we don’t have to sully our dainty hands, and bringing back the most hilarity-inducing bits. Hey, it’s like what Joseph Campbell was talking about!

Slate ran a piece “investigating” why bands’ give themselves unprintable names. What it should have done is asked the members of one Midwestern hippie band to reenact that fateful moment in their rehearsal room when the Ketamine kicked in just right and they stayed up all night re-writing the laws of music: finding new notes that were only audible to angels and butterflies. And in the early morning dawn, with tear streaked cheeks and their fingers raw from strumming, they looked at each other and decided that they would no longer be known as “Yonder Light” but as Psychedelic Horseshit. Here’s what the investigation did mange to unearth. Keep in mind, these bands “flirt with sophomoric crudeness” .

Holy Fuck

Fuck Buttons

the Fucking Ocean

Shit Robot

Shitdisco

Holy Shit

At least two bands lay claim Shitty Beatles .

My personal favorite: AIDS Wolf

I’m starting an indie riot girrrlll rockband named the Cuntjammers. Who’s coming (heh) with me?

Typical: old dogs, new tricks.

Consider this post the rolled up newspaper that’s used to swat a dog across its snout after the pooch takes a shit in the middle of the kitchen floor. This time the kitchen floor is the interweb. And the steaming, coiled, noxious piece of shit is the first ever Presidential Twitter debate — which features no presidential candidates.

Nope. Just some Obama and McCain staffers armed with Treos (couldn’t even get iPhones –not even the old ones!) are participating in a four-day online debate. Moderated by some professor of tech and culture and O.G. Wonkette/new editor at Radar Ana Marie Cox.

As you all know, Tweets can only be 140 characters long. Here’s a sample response to John McCain’s intern about his fiscal plan:

Priorities:1) $ for R&D>>tax breaks for hedge fund managers;2) S&T ed. programs>>tax breaks for oil companies

Do you hear that? That’s the sound of my soul screaming. I know folks are trying in earnest to get some cutting edge fusion going with the presidential election and social media but this type of trash misses the point entirely. Much like the youtube debates, having staff serve as gatekeepers to mediate content subverts the entire point of social media. It’s about being instant, spontaneous, and accessible.

Nothing about filming a talking snowman or having some intern text message you about universal health care enriches the political process. It’s just a ham handed exercise in repackaging. The word wide web really does provide a grassroots challenge to both establishment politics and mainstream media — but not when it’s so cheaply used. The smartest baby boomer I know said this about the rise of New Media in politics

Authentic Web-driven power surfaces most dramatically when online communities exercise collective accountability over institutions and individuals that were once invulnerable to instantaneous public reaction and feedback.

Put another way — in a 140 characters or less:

“If you claim to be a social media expert and you only use social media to talk about social media… you’re no expert.” Tim Siedell via Twitter.

related: FAILURE.

This man is the foundation which I have built my entire sense of humor on. Carlin is the closest thing my secular family has had to a prophet. We quote his routines like scripture. Michelle from Best Week Ever has a great and poignant post about it. Eerily enough, like Michelle, I also used to recite Carlin’s brilliant airplane routine at age 8 for my parents and their friends– unabashedly and proudly using the terms “cunt”, “brown people” and “porno films.”

I AM DEVASTATED, PEOPLE. FUCKING DEVASTATED.

for more things bouncy and graphic go here.

* PNP means “Party and Play”. It’s a gay thang. Means you’re down to do meth/coke and fuck strangers.The more you know!

If you haven’t heard of Larry Sinclair, it’s because only the wingnuttiest of conservatives (think people who make Michelle Malkin look reasoned and intelligent) are using him as ammo against Obama. He’s put a video on YouTube where he claims to have done cocaine (he makes sure to elaborate that while it was powdered coke for him, Obama smoked crack, because that’s what black people do) and blown him in a limo in the late ’90s. Oh, and apparently Obama gave the total stranger he cruised for gay sex and drugs his real name and position, because he’s just that stupid.

Sinclair has a decades-long criminal record of fraud and petty crime, and has oustanding warrants in Colorado. So does he lay low and continue to sling mud from the relative anonymity of the internet? No, he calls a press conference in Washington DC, which results in 2 US Marshalls showing up and hauling him off. Genius!

Oh, and did we mention his lawyer?

It got worse when Sinclair’s lawyer Montgomery Sibley—whose license is currently suspended in D.C. and Florida—showed up in a kilt and told reporters that his above-average endowment made slacks tight and uncomfortable.

Welcome to WTFville. I imagine we’ll be taking quite a few more trips there between now and November.

Hat tips to Pandagon and Reason.

A piece in the Boston Phoenix describes the tension between old-line sportswriters (that’s them!) and bloggers (that’s us!). I’m not sure how the photographer was able to catch such a wildly spontaneous moment on film, but kudos! This exactly what I’m doing right now – eXxXxxXtremme BLOGGING!!!11 Its so *~KrZy!!!*~

I skimmed this post on Huffpo. Some crusty white lady seyz:

Lately I’ve been wondering what an Obama White House might mean for the future of bling. For the fate of heavy gold, medallions, below-the-butt denim, the whole hip-hop gangsta fashion habit. What if January 20, 2009 turned out to be.. a watershed fashion moment for teenaged boys?

Ugh. “Gangsta?” This is like when my pudgy sweat-slathered boss says desperately ironic things like “That’s how I roll!”

She goes on to reference: Ed Sullivan. The Beatles. And a winsome 67 year old corrections officer. This is EXACTLY why assisted living facilities should NOT have internet access.

Moving on. Let me holla at this ho: DO NOT confuse bling with jeans that sag from gats, crack pipes, and all the dreadful woes of a Baltimore housing project.

1. Bling is boss. Its not just a red-carpet fashion statement. It’s a deeper set of values: Playing hard, looking good and lapping up the finest. The Bentley, the four finger ring, chilled the Dom Perignon, and the hot jacuzzi. Its about hittin switches in a drop top.

2. Whether its based in crass materialism or in giant meta quotation marks, bling is about being gaudy, sassy, and bold. Right or wrong bling is empowering. Its irreverent, audacious and HONEST. Damon Dash Emporer of Bling says: “I’ve always been addicted to money. I like to have diamonds, jewelery; I like my private jets, my cooks, the fact I stay in a presidential [suite] wherever I go.” Totes. I say, why the fuck not? Brush yo shoulders off and hop on that jet if you got it.

3. Speaking of which, let us not forget Bama’s dog whistle when he brushed his shoulders off at a rally. It was a gloriously authentic moment. A moment that we gleefully understood that the confused boomers missed. Like the fist bump, like Bama saying “Ya, I did a little blow“, its all about the open self-revelatory style. The way Dash unabashedly declares his love for them big bodied Benzes to Bama snorting yeah-yo: its open, its out there, unapologetically. This is something neither the focus grouped Clinton or the Liver Spotted McCain could do.

When Bama becomes president the flossin, the rims, and the bling will not go away . Hopefully, the craggy Boomers who write this moth-eaten drivel will.